Blog-a-Saw
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Let The Bellyaching Begin
I
predicted this would happen twelve years ago. For many of us, that was the
first time we heard Obama speak or learned his name. I am just as much of an
American as anyone, but felt all along that I had no dog in this hunt. I
watched with a certain detached curiosity throughout the entire political
season. I tried to remain impartial and to make fun of both candidates and the
system equally. Of course, taking no discernible side makes you the enemy of
both sides. Have you considered that some stay on the fence because there are vicious
dogs in both yards and those dogs might be too stupid to know who to and who
not to bite?
I
got up this morning and prepared my coffee as usual, I then went out for a walk
as it brewed. The clouds were the same colors, the wind smelled the same, and
there was no mass hysteria in my neighborhood. In short, the world had not
ended, and my job was still waiting for me.
All
one need do, is turn on the television and voila, walla for the rest of us, you
know it all. I am so glad this is over. As so many of my supposed friends have recently
pointed out, I as a democrat, who has yet to vote for a democratic president,
can now go back to spending all my time smoking medical marijuana, walking to
the mail box to get my welfare check, once a month, and waiting for my next
opportunity to vote, once every two years, so I can turn our country into some
sick, twisted mix of socialism, communism and the sixties. Being a democrat is
such a hard life.
As
I predicted this outcome, I now predict what will happen in the next four
years. Next year the deficit will be bigger and regardless of how many are out
of work, those who are will still be just as hungry. Many will be employed, but
will continue to work at jobs for leading corporations that do not provide
adequate salaries, hours or benefits and certainly do not hold respect or
concern for them. The homeless problem will continue to grow and be swept under
the rug, so it doesn’t scare the rest of us. There will be over six million
children abused and at least ten of those children will be beaten to death each
day. Taxes, tension and what is demanded of us will continue to increase. Our
rights, the American dream and peace of mind will continue to decrease.
We
will continue to build prisons and continue to choke down the overworked
judicial system with cases against those whose crimes are committed against
themselves and, don’t forget, other frivolous lawsuits. Tell me again why we
continue to elect lawyers to run our country; they seem to have done a marvelous
job with everything else they got involved in. The wars on Iraq and Afghanistan
may subside, but we will continue the wars on terrorism and drugs. Both are similar
to fighting with mythical and illusive creatures that disappear when pursued
too vigorously. Neither one weakens but strengthens with each battle.
Sorry,
but all of this is a consequence of our current political shortcomings. This
outcome was predestined regardless of the winner of the election. All the above
mentioned problems have been marching in the same direction for as long as I
can remember. In what world do we dream this will change?
So
now the bellyaching begins. We have four more years to hear how awful this
president is; just as we had to listen to how incompetent Bush was for the
eight years before that. It’s funny, I remember listening to just as much
bellyaching about Carter, Reagan, another guy named Bush and Clinton, seems to
be a trend. As long as we continue to bellyache, we are not asking questions,
it’s what they want and exactly what they get.
The
people have spoken, and this election was far from the closely contested
elections of the recent past. I urge all Americans to get over it and get busy
with the reforms we so badly need. Remember that one person, the president,
does not make or break this magnificent nation, but one person, you, can make a
difference. Politics demands that politicians now slip into some sick form of
stalemate and try everything in their power, to not accomplish, anything. Our
country can no longer afford to sit by and allow this to happen, get involved
in something real, instead of the smoke and mirrors of party politics. If you
think the administration is weak, then use this opportunity to take back the
country.
Thank
God this reality television show is over, now we can go back to watching things
with substance and credibility, like wrestling.
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Location:
Florida, USA
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Never Enough Stuff
Why
do we need so much stuff? In fact, much
of the stuff we think we need only serves to make us miserable. I’m perfectly
happy with my two pairs of shoes and much to my wife’s dismay; I continue to wear
only one of them. The other pair must sit idly by in the closet and wonder what
they did.
We’ve
had this discussion; my wife has about two hundred pairs of shoes. Try as she
may, she cannot find a way to wear, two pair at one time. All those shoes sit
in the closet and call to her, in the night, her stuff haunts her. She is the
only person I know whose stuff has stuff. We moved recently, and much of our
stuff was placed in storage.
So
being a guy, I only imagined I had stuff to worry about. You know, things like.
Is Georgia going to beat South Carolina? Or worse, Georgia lost that game, now
the question has to be asked for another whole year. Was that pig’s foot, on
the ground, too long to pick it up and eat it? If no one sees me pick it up,
did it actually fall, at all? Sorry there are just some foods that are too good
to let a little thing like touching the ground or falling on the table stop you
from eating them. Peanut M&M’s, for example, macaroni and cheese or BBQ
ribs. Is my beer cold enough? Is my steak hot enough and does my wife know
about the two hundred bucks stashed in the garage? Does she know about the girl
next door who keeps asking to go mud bogging in my truck? Will those tires get
me through that mud hole or do I need to buy bigger ones? What are the two guys names who are running
for president and are either, for or against gun control? These are the true
questions of life, but for a small, uncommonly cute Peruvian woman, the
questions are much more complex.
When
we moved, at least 196 pairs of shoes, eighteen hair brushes and dozens of
coats were placed, with tons of other stuff, in storage. Poor girl has not had
a decent night’s sleep ever since. When we eat dinner out, she gets a little
misty, and we then have to pay a visit to the storage unit, which is out of the
way, and a little too far to go at ten p.m. She must sit in the unit and
console her stuff for a few minutes, trying desperately to make her stuff and
herself feel better about the plight they collectively find themselves in. She
pets and whispers sweet nothings to the abandoned stuff and upon returning home
falls asleep with tears drying on her face. Whimpering in the night is more
likely related to visions of abandoned brushes, not horrific scenes caused by
too many onions at dinner or too many late night horror movies.
Recently
she made a trip to D.C. To prepare for the trip a visit to the storage unit was
required. Of course, the mental fall out of that trip will take weeks for her
and her poor mistreated stuff to get over. She dug and picked through
everything in the unit, to select one coat for the trip. As with each visit,
much more than is needed returned to our already packed, little apartment. It’s
kind of like going shopping, your wife picks out ten pairs of shoes, you tell
her that three will do, she agrees to buy eight, but somehow checks out with
twelve. You smile and pretend not to notice, simply so you may live to fight
another day.
I
was married to a Georgia girl before, picking a coat to make the D.C. trip
would have been an easy thing after all a fur lined jean jacket goes with everything.
For my wife, it was a life altering decision. She wanted to take five, for a
three day trip, but ultimately settled on four. One pair of pajama’s turned
into four, and several brushes, a lamp and whatever could be placed in the car,
when I wasn’t looking, made the trip home, as well. Here’s the crazy part, she
already has six brushes, I have one, every time she leaves the house, mine is
the one that goes with her.
Stuff
and the worrying over stuff causes too much stress. My poor wife tosses and
turns over the mental health of her stuff and as long as some of it is
relegated to live in the dungeon at the public storage building, she will
continue to have nightmares. We will continue to make visits at odd hours to comfort
its contents. I’m not sure her stuff feels any better after our visit, but she
does and after all isn’t that what counts?
Labels:
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Sunday, October 28, 2012
A political Storm
A Political Storm
Forecasters
believe that Sandy will wreak havoc during the upcoming presidential election. She
could close down polling stations; create massive power outages, keeping
thousands from voting, and causing a myriad of problems tallying the votes that
are cast. In effect, she could have a massive negative impact on the election.
Wow, two elections back to back, the last storm of this magnitude was named
Sarah and she had the same effect. I predict the political storm of the 2016
election will be named Hillary.
It
is no secret, I am no fan of Sarah Palin, and it pains me to defend her. The
shuck and jive comment she made is another example of people wanting to be
offended. From what I can find, this comment did have negative connotations in
the eighteen seventies. However, in the nineteen seventies it became part of
pop culture and was widely used. Saying she meant it as a racial remark is like
saying groovy or cool are racial slurs. I don’t remember anyone coming out
against the Bee Gee’s for the song Jive Talkin.
I
am so glad that I will only have to write one more of these columns. Next week
we will know whom our next president is, and we should be able to go on with
the business of going on with our business. I will go back to writing funny little
columns about life. Many will be just beginning the newest cycle of abuse perpetrated
against whoever becomes the leader of the free world. Whoever wins will be
vilified and talked about for the entire time he is charged with running our
country. I have said it before and will
repeat it now. Once the election is over, and the people or the electorate have
spoken, the time for partisan politics is over, and the country must stand
behind whoever has won. I implore the nation to get behind the winning
candidate and to make the next four years something that will make our children
proud of us. Let 2012 be a turning point in our history that makes the next two
hundred years our best yet.
I
watched the last debate, certain that I would be as displeased as I was with
the other two, but was pleasantly surprised. Both Romney and Obama were subdued
and seemed genuinely concerned about our future. Both lay out road maps, which
in theory, will take us in the right direction. I know from years of watching
the world and its unpredictable players that the route will continue to change
as we travel along, but at least they both have a plan.
There
was a marked improvement in the amount of respect shown by the candidates to
each other and to the moderator. Obama bombarded Romney with dozens of
questions and made many statements that were left unanswered. Romney alluded to
bad times, but there were several instances where he admitted to be talking
about the prior administration. He also qualified several statements with, not
you Mr. President, which some may see as a sign of weakness instead of an
indication of the strong character he possesses. In short Romney did not go for
the throat, which is what is expected during this stage of the election.
A
few quotes.
“Nation
building at home.” Obama. I would rather have a hot poker rammed into several
sensitive areas of my body than to hear this statement again.
“I
successfully ran small businesses and saved the Olympics.” Romney. I wish that
when Romney stepped into a phone booth, to become superman before saving the
Olympics, a garbage truck had run over the phone booth. I hope I never hear
about the Olympics again.
“A
military response is unacceptable.”
Romney. The only problem with this is, this statement only had merit
during the election cycle and remember war is profitable to profiteers.
“Wrong
and reckless.” Obama. If I hear this one more time, I’m gonna lose the
expensive cheeseburger I just finished and Lord knows I cannot afford to lose
food.
Romney
spoke of escalating problems in the Middle East and Iran being four years
closer to nuclear weapons and the fact that Israel and Palestine are no closer
to peace than they were four years ago. No, say it isn’t so.
The
Middle East has always been a problem and four years from now, regardless of
whom wins, it will still be a problem, Iran will be four more years closer to
nuclear weapons and Israel and Palestine will still be throwing rocks at each
other.
“China
wants the world to be free and open.” Romney.
Obama and Romney seem to both be surprised that China is cheating. Am I
the only one who remembers Vietnam, Korea and Tiananmen Square?
The
next four years will be tough regardless of the winner. If you walk what you talk,
pray for whoever wins.
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Monday, October 22, 2012
Prancing Political Peacocks
First,
I write for several weekly papers and their deadlines dictate when my stories
run. This may sometimes give the impression that I’m behind.
What
exactly is a debate and does it actually have any merit? If you decide who to
vote for by watching this farce, we are in more trouble than I imagined we were,
and I have a powerful imagination backed by a wagon load of facts or more aptly
a wagon load of manure.
This
particular debate happened to be between Roboma and Obomney. Both were wearing
suits which cost more than most of us make, in any three month period. The
mediator was disrespected, and the rules of engagement were totally ignored.
The questions, asked by Americans, were also passed over. Once a question was
asked the candidates simply used it to segway into whatever point they wants to
make, leaving the original question squirming in the gutter unanswered.
The
question about gas prices proved both candidates lack of understanding for the
average American’s plight. Obama turned it into an environmental issue and
maybe it is. Romney turned it into one of Obama’s foremost failings, that’s
sort of like blaming the gas rationing of the seventies on him. “The proof is at
the pump.” Romney said. Gas pumps are similar to slot machines, or one armed
bandits. Americans continue to pump in money and pull the handle, but like all
other gambling establishments, the house always wins. Gas pumps are simply
ticker tape ten ninety nine’s for big business, foreign investors and oil
companies.
Romney
promises not to raise taxes on all his friends in big business. That is a new
concept never used by a politician before, be careful not to step in it. Romney
promises to leave the taxes where they are on the upper class, and drop them on
the middle class. What alternate reality is he living in? You can’t do both of
those things. Does it truly matter? If they raise taxes on the upper class, as
Obama recommends, the upper class then raises the prices of their products and
the middle class pays whatever increase is imposed, in the end. To continue to
say the rich pay over sixty percent of taxes is an insult to our intelligence.
I still believe a flat tax is the only way to go.
“I
know what a strong economy looks like.” Romney said. Where exactly did he see
such an animal and why are we not treating him like all the other people who claim
to have seen Sasquatch, UFO’s, Elvis and the Easter Bunny?
Both
promised to get tough on China. Does that mean, as we’ve been getting tough on
Iraq and Afghanistan? We cannot afford to get tough on China, neither will do
it, and we better hope no one tries it in the future. China is cheating, Romney
said. What, are you sure? Duh huh.
“We
can’t afford another four years.” Romney said. I don’t think we can afford
another four like the eight before. Romney was very sure to point out that he
is no George Bush. Wait, until the debate Georgie was a hero, right? If I were
Junior I would poke out my lips and then shrug and go back to trying to pound
that square peg into the round hole.
Both
candidates turned the question about immigration into one about classes. We
want those who have skills and money to start small businesses, but not those
chasing the American dream we are so proud of.
“Go
after gangbangers not students.” Obama said. This was one of the best comments
of the night. Romney’s take on this, seems to be, make the American dream such
a nightmare that these people deport themselves because it will no longer be
desirable to stay here. Where exactly do us poor Americans fit into this and
what happens when our government purposely turns the American dream into a
nightmare?
“The
middle class is being crushed.” Romney said. This might have been the truest
comment, from Romney, of the night.
The question of gun control was answered by
Romney with the idea of telling people who aren’t married they should not have
babies, I’ve got an abstract mind, but even my mind could not make that trip. I
got terrible news for both; a cheap hand gun and an AK both kill you just as
dead.
Gun control is not the answer, we as a society
must work together to stop the violence running rampant across America. Expecting
the Government to do it is about as bright as expecting schools to raise our
children. Child abuse, neglect, and as strange as it may seem, a severe lack of
discipline for our kids, causes much of our violence, Fix the child, fix the
future. How’s that for a political sound bite? No one talked about that, big
surprise, they never do.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
A Bike, Bag, Book, A Bunch Of Bikinis And A Bus
A Bike, Bag, Book, A Bunch Of
Bikinis And A Bus
I
will never forget the bus ride to Manila, Philippines, back in 1980. I was
traveling the world and always tried to take public transportation as a social
experiment.
There is no better way to learn about a country or to have an adventure than to ride mass transit in a place where you don’t speak the language.
There is no better way to learn about a country or to have an adventure than to ride mass transit in a place where you don’t speak the language.
The
air was conditioned, but it was conditioned by the open windows and the retched
musty smells coming from the humid jungle. Added to this, were those smells
coming from the tightly packed mass of humanity inside the bus and the over two
dozen more small brown bodies stacked on top of it. Don’t forget the half dozen
chickens and the one pig which ran around underneath our feet during the entire
eight hour trip, and the smells they produced, of course.
Every
time the bus slowed there were vendors shoving anything you can imagine through
the windows. Getting a beer was easier
than getting one in a bar and they were colder. On that bus were many young,
beautiful country girls, this is a trend on buses worldwide it seems.
The
subways in Tokyo were the most packed mass transit vehicles I’ve ever ridden; they
were filled with short men in black suits and beautiful girls with slanted
almond eyes. There were people standing at every door at every station, they
were like shoe horns for people; it was their jobs to pack in, addition people
after the trains were full as people.
The
trip to Victoria Peak on the island of Hong Kong was so steep you could barely
stand on the train, but was the most beautiful ride I ever took. There is
something truly lovely about breath taking scenery when it is filtered through polluted
air. The pollution mingles and mixes with the sunsets and sunrises and even
with the falling dew of the morning and evening, to create uniquely amazing,
unforgettable scenes.
There
was the open air train somewhere in amongst the beer and some Middle Eastern
country I can’t quite remember the name of. It rocked along with a mountain
rising up on the left side of it and a beautiful desert on the right. The
tracks were in such poor shape that it occasionally jolted so hard it
threatened to jump the tracks, and when it did, dust cascaded through the air,
turning the world tan for a few moments. The beer was not only for recreational
purposes, but a requirement to quell the underlying fear involved in the ride.
So
I realized it was costing me over seven hundred bucks to drive across Miami, to
work each month. Don’t you love parking and tolls? Paying for parking is like
paying the dentist to hurt you. Tolls are taxes the government doesn’t call taxes.
It’s like the lottery; you can’t steal it if it isn’t there. This seems to be
the mantra for governments everywhere.
I
decided to relive the adventures of my youth and take the Miami-Dade transit
system to save a little money. First I needed to pack a bag and grab a book,
then I mounted my trusty bike and ride about ten blocks to the nearest bus
stop, the furthest south western stop in the system. The trip takes about a
hundred and twenty minutes, and it requires me to haul the three b’s up three
escalators, down three flights of steps, from one bus to a train and then from
that train to another bus, getting off at the furthest north eastern stop of
the system. I get to read a lot, and it saves me over six hundred bucks a month,
I’m not complaining. It actually only takes about fifteen minutes more than it
did when I was driving, and there are no traffic jams to contend with.
Bike
racks have replaced the pigs and chickens, and the air is conditioned. The
scenery is as beautiful as any in the world, face it Miami is beautiful. There
are still the smells of tightly packed people just getting off of work and the
sweet icky stuff they use to hide such smells, but it ain’t bad. There are
still the vendors selling anything you can imagine you want and many things you
don’t want at Government Center in the heart of Miami, but I’ve outgrown
wanting or needing most of their wares. There are still the homeless moving
from where they don’t live to where they won’t live.
There
are still more people who don’t speak English than do and young, pretty girls
from all over the world. In the afternoons there are hundreds of colorful skimpy bikinis packed tightly with those
girls, coming from the beach. Life is still an adventure and riding the Miami
Public Transportation System has proven to be a good experience. Life continues
to be good.
Labels:
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Sunday, October 7, 2012
Taking Big Bird Out Back
Taking Big Bird Out Back
I
want to thank the candidates for clearing up my complete misconceptions about our
countries troubles and our political system. Apparently we as Americans are
simply too dense to understand what is important.
Somehow
I erroneously believed that our debt and particularly the part of it, we owe to
China was a product of massive run away government spending, and it was Big
Bird all along. I also believed it to be the result of wasteful and lavish
spending by large corporations, but learned this week it is tied directly to
The Cookie Monster and his affection for cookies. I am now aware that it has
nothing to do with billion dollar bonuses for CEO’s or the bailouts we provide
them which amounts to government subsidized perks for the rich and infamous.
I
was under the impression the enormous salaries we pay the congress and senate were
somehow contributing to the national debt, but it turns out that Mr. Rogers was
actually the enemy. Funny I never heard Mr. Rogers speak Chinese.
I
was stupid enough to believe that the insane state of the welfare system might
be influencing the ongoing Chinese financing of America. Many people are
already calling for welfare recipients to be drug tested before receiving
benefits. Do these people understand how much such a program, if implemented,
would cost? It would cost more to drug test them, than it would to simply pay
the benefits. The next asinine thing I expect to see on the social media is
this statement. A government study was released today which found that welfare
recipients spend their days, stoned watching Big Bird and having sex, all at
the same time.
Of course, the conservatives hate NPR and their brand
of political propaganda, and I don’t disagree that they are biased, but like
Republicans and Democrats they are a necessary part of our system. They are
also a necessary part of our educational system. Many children arrive in school
without the basic knowledge needed to start school. How much worse would it be,
without NPR, PBS, Big Bird and all their buddies? Cutting funding for PBS, which is minuscule,
would be like driving a stake into the heart of our educational system to stifle
someone who disagrees with you politically.
I
think that Romney will regret allowing this statement to escape his mouth for
the rest of his short political career. I’m not saying I think Obama should
win, I’m saying he will win.
The
worst part of this and the part no one wants to admit to. The average American
does not understand taxes. Many believe them to be some sort of government
savings account and treat them as such. Many wait with crossed fingers for their
yearly refund hoping it will buy them the car they need or pay for a family
vacation. Most people listen to the horror stories about SSI and pray for its
future, but have little understanding of it. The health care system is so
complicated that many who have insurance would rather pay than try to wade
through the muddy complicated waters involved in filing the paperwork.
Americans
pay for insurance, but the system is so complicated and mired with false claim
rejections that it can hardly be used by anyone without a degree. That will be
the next prominent American rip off and lie, you’ll need a degree to file or
sell insurance which will drive the costs even higher. Doctor’s now hire people
to file insurance paperwork, if they didn’t they would never get paid. If you
pay for insurance, shouldn’t the company help you file and make sure your
doctor get his money so you don’t end up having to pay anyway? I remember when
they called this customer service.
The
fact that this Big Bird thing has become a key campaign point proves everything
I’ve been saying for months. All politicians are relatively the same, and all
of them will talk about everything, to avoid talking about anything. A debate
that cost millions and is so crucial should never be allowed to turn into a
political quagmire by Big Bird. I am truly scared for America.
My
point is this, Americans may not understand the above overly complicated
systems, designed as smoke screens, to keep Americans in the dark, but they do
understand Big Bird. Anyone who believes such a ludicrous idea like Big Bird is
bad for America is drinking the equivalent of broccoli flavored Kool Aid and
the worst part; he will convince others that it tastes yummy. The candidate who threatens to take Big Bird
out behind the barn, is the one who loses in America, sorry. The one who goes
out back to stop the raised fist wins. Wait and see!!!
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