Let The Bellyaching Begin

I predicted this would happen twelve years ago. For many of us, that was the first time we heard Obama speak or learned his name. I am just as much of an American as anyone, but felt all along that I had no dog in this hunt. I watched with a certain detached curiosity throughout the entire political season. I tried to remain impartial and to make fun of both candidates and the system equally. Of course, taking no discernible side makes you the enemy of both sides. Have you considered that some stay on the fence because there are vicious dogs in both yards and those dogs might be too stupid to know who to and who not to bite?

I got up this morning and prepared my coffee as usual, I then went out for a walk as it brewed. The clouds were the same colors, the wind smelled the same, and there was no mass hysteria in my neighborhood. In short, the world had not ended, and my job was still waiting for me.

All one need do, is turn on the television and voila, walla for the rest of us, you know it all. I am so glad this is over. As so many of my supposed friends have recently pointed out, I as a democrat, who has yet to vote for a democratic president, can now go back to spending all my time smoking medical marijuana, walking to the mail box to get my welfare check, once a month, and waiting for my next opportunity to vote, once every two years, so I can turn our country into some sick, twisted mix of socialism, communism and the sixties. Being a democrat is such a hard life.

As I predicted this outcome, I now predict what will happen in the next four years. Next year the deficit will be bigger and regardless of how many are out of work, those who are will still be just as hungry. Many will be employed, but will continue to work at jobs for leading corporations that do not provide adequate salaries, hours or benefits and certainly do not hold respect or concern for them. The homeless problem will continue to grow and be swept under the rug, so it doesn’t scare the rest of us. There will be over six million children abused and at least ten of those children will be beaten to death each day. Taxes, tension and what is demanded of us will continue to increase. Our rights, the American dream and peace of mind will continue to decrease.

We will continue to build prisons and continue to choke down the overworked judicial system with cases against those whose crimes are committed against themselves and, don’t forget, other frivolous lawsuits. Tell me again why we continue to elect lawyers to run our country; they seem to have done a marvelous job with everything else they got involved in. The wars on Iraq and Afghanistan may subside, but we will continue the wars on terrorism and drugs. Both are similar to fighting with mythical and illusive creatures that disappear when pursued too vigorously. Neither one weakens but strengthens with each battle.

Sorry, but all of this is a consequence of our current political shortcomings. This outcome was predestined regardless of the winner of the election. All the above mentioned problems have been marching in the same direction for as long as I can remember. In what world do we dream this will change?

So now the bellyaching begins. We have four more years to hear how awful this president is; just as we had to listen to how incompetent Bush was for the eight years before that. It’s funny, I remember listening to just as much bellyaching about Carter, Reagan, another guy named Bush and Clinton, seems to be a trend. As long as we continue to bellyache, we are not asking questions, it’s what they want and exactly what they get.

The people have spoken, and this election was far from the closely contested elections of the recent past. I urge all Americans to get over it and get busy with the reforms we so badly need. Remember that one person, the president, does not make or break this magnificent nation, but one person, you, can make a difference. Politics demands that politicians now slip into some sick form of stalemate and try everything in their power, to not accomplish, anything. Our country can no longer afford to sit by and allow this to happen, get involved in something real, instead of the smoke and mirrors of party politics. If you think the administration is weak, then use this opportunity to take back the country.

Thank God this reality television show is over, now we can go back to watching things with substance and credibility, like wrestling.     

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A political Storm

A Political Storm

Forecasters believe that Sandy will wreak havoc during the upcoming presidential election. She could close down polling stations; create massive power outages, keeping thousands from voting, and causing a myriad of problems tallying the votes that are cast. In effect, she could have a massive negative impact on the election. Wow, two elections back to back, the last storm of this magnitude was named Sarah and she had the same effect. I predict the political storm of the 2016 election will be named Hillary.

It is no secret, I am no fan of Sarah Palin, and it pains me to defend her. The shuck and jive comment she made is another example of people wanting to be offended. From what I can find, this comment did have negative connotations in the eighteen seventies. However, in the nineteen seventies it became part of pop culture and was widely used. Saying she meant it as a racial remark is like saying groovy or cool are racial slurs. I don’t remember anyone coming out against the Bee Gee’s for the song Jive Talkin.

I am so glad that I will only have to write one more of these columns. Next week we will know whom our next president is, and we should be able to go on with the business of going on with our business. I will go back to writing funny little columns about life. Many will be just beginning the newest cycle of abuse perpetrated against whoever becomes the leader of the free world. Whoever wins will be vilified and talked about for the entire time he is charged with running our country.  I have said it before and will repeat it now. Once the election is over, and the people or the electorate have spoken, the time for partisan politics is over, and the country must stand behind whoever has won. I implore the nation to get behind the winning candidate and to make the next four years something that will make our children proud of us. Let 2012 be a turning point in our history that makes the next two hundred years our best yet.

I watched the last debate, certain that I would be as displeased as I was with the other two, but was pleasantly surprised. Both Romney and Obama were subdued and seemed genuinely concerned about our future. Both lay out road maps, which in theory, will take us in the right direction. I know from years of watching the world and its unpredictable players that the route will continue to change as we travel along, but at least they both have a plan.

There was a marked improvement in the amount of respect shown by the candidates to each other and to the moderator. Obama bombarded Romney with dozens of questions and made many statements that were left unanswered. Romney alluded to bad times, but there were several instances where he admitted to be talking about the prior administration. He also qualified several statements with, not you Mr. President, which some may see as a sign of weakness instead of an indication of the strong character he possesses. In short Romney did not go for the throat, which is what is expected during this stage of the election.

A few quotes.

“Nation building at home.” Obama. I would rather have a hot poker rammed into several sensitive areas of my body than to hear this statement again.

“I successfully ran small businesses and saved the Olympics.” Romney. I wish that when Romney stepped into a phone booth, to become superman before saving the Olympics, a garbage truck had run over the phone booth. I hope I never hear about the Olympics again.

“A military response is unacceptable.”  Romney. The only problem with this is, this statement only had merit during the election cycle and remember war is profitable to profiteers.

“Wrong and reckless.” Obama. If I hear this one more time, I’m gonna lose the expensive cheeseburger I just finished and Lord knows I cannot afford to lose food.

Romney spoke of escalating problems in the Middle East and Iran being four years closer to nuclear weapons and the fact that Israel and Palestine are no closer to peace than they were four years ago. No, say it isn’t so.

The Middle East has always been a problem and four years from now, regardless of whom wins, it will still be a problem, Iran will be four more years closer to nuclear weapons and Israel and Palestine will still be throwing rocks at each other.

“China wants the world to be free and open.” Romney.  Obama and Romney seem to both be surprised that China is cheating. Am I the only one who remembers Vietnam, Korea and Tiananmen Square?

The next four years will be tough regardless of the winner. If you walk what you talk, pray for whoever wins.

Taking Big Bird Out Back

Taking Big Bird Out Back

I want to thank the candidates for clearing up my complete misconceptions about our countries troubles and our political system. Apparently we as Americans are simply too dense to understand what is important.

Somehow I erroneously believed that our debt and particularly the part of it, we owe to China was a product of massive run away government spending, and it was Big Bird all along. I also believed it to be the result of wasteful and lavish spending by large corporations, but learned this week it is tied directly to The Cookie Monster and his affection for cookies. I am now aware that it has nothing to do with billion dollar bonuses for CEO’s or the bailouts we provide them which amounts to government subsidized perks for the rich and infamous.

I was under the impression the enormous salaries we pay the congress and senate were somehow contributing to the national debt, but it turns out that Mr. Rogers was actually the enemy. Funny I never heard Mr. Rogers speak Chinese.

I was stupid enough to believe that the insane state of the welfare system might be influencing the ongoing Chinese financing of America. Many people are already calling for welfare recipients to be drug tested before receiving benefits. Do these people understand how much such a program, if implemented, would cost? It would cost more to drug test them, than it would to simply pay the benefits. The next asinine thing I expect to see on the social media is this statement. A government study was released today which found that welfare recipients spend their days, stoned watching Big Bird and having sex, all at the same time.

     Of course, the conservatives hate NPR and their brand of political propaganda, and I don’t disagree that they are biased, but like Republicans and Democrats they are a necessary part of our system. They are also a necessary part of our educational system. Many children arrive in school without the basic knowledge needed to start school. How much worse would it be, without NPR, PBS, Big Bird and all their buddies?  Cutting funding for PBS, which is minuscule, would be like driving a stake into the heart of our educational system to stifle someone who disagrees with you politically.

I think that Romney will regret allowing this statement to escape his mouth for the rest of his short political career. I’m not saying I think Obama should win, I’m saying he will win.

The worst part of this and the part no one wants to admit to. The average American does not understand taxes. Many believe them to be some sort of government savings account and treat them as such. Many wait with crossed fingers for their yearly refund hoping it will buy them the car they need or pay for a family vacation. Most people listen to the horror stories about SSI and pray for its future, but have little understanding of it. The health care system is so complicated that many who have insurance would rather pay than try to wade through the muddy complicated waters involved in filing the paperwork.

Americans pay for insurance, but the system is so complicated and mired with false claim rejections that it can hardly be used by anyone without a degree. That will be the next prominent American rip off and lie, you’ll need a degree to file or sell insurance which will drive the costs even higher. Doctor’s now hire people to file insurance paperwork, if they didn’t they would never get paid. If you pay for insurance, shouldn’t the company help you file and make sure your doctor get his money so you don’t end up having to pay anyway? I remember when they called this customer service.

The fact that this Big Bird thing has become a key campaign point proves everything I’ve been saying for months. All politicians are relatively the same, and all of them will talk about everything, to avoid talking about anything. A debate that cost millions and is so crucial should never be allowed to turn into a political quagmire by Big Bird. I am truly scared for America. 

My point is this, Americans may not understand the above overly complicated systems, designed as smoke screens, to keep Americans in the dark, but they do understand Big Bird. Anyone who believes such a ludicrous idea like Big Bird is bad for America is drinking the equivalent of broccoli flavored Kool Aid and the worst part; he will convince others that it tastes yummy.  The candidate who threatens to take Big Bird out behind the barn, is the one who loses in America, sorry. The one who goes out back to stop the raised fist wins. Wait and see!!!