Alabama, you must of bumped your head.

Someone had the bright idea to send me to the University of Alabama for a couple months. Everyone knows you don't send a dyed in the wool Dawgs fan to enemy territory during football season. I'm sure if I think real hard I could come up with something to throw off their season.


How about starting a steroid scandal? Too late the whole campus knows the cheerleaders take them. I can hardly spell Steroids, much less know where to get them. Even if I did, I'm a writer and couldn't afford to make a steroid deal even if I knew how. If their quarterback likes girls, questionable, I could steal his and cause emotional distress. Okay maybe I can't do that one, I am a little old for that, besides I like for my women to have two distenctive family reunions to attend, twice the food.


How about stealing their mascot, I might be all over this one if their mascot was a twenty-one year old girl who only appears to be from Alabama when she takes her shoes off, you know twelve toes. I can't do that either, what would I do with her? Text, listen to some music I really never need to hear, watch her get all warm and fuzzy over a damn pocketbook poodle, Ride in some little car that hurts my knees to get into or God forbid, talk to her.

Wait their mascot is an elephant, what's that all about? I guess I can see some guy suggesting it all those years ago, but how did he get everyone to agree to it? So if I had a few hours in the locker room what could I do? Tie knots in jock straps, just clean ones though, super glue the toilet seats. How about hiding the map of the stadium in an English text book? That should cause a fuss. How about calling, leaving message for them to call their moms step brother, that might take a week or two to straighten out. Hey I know, yell, watch out there's a big chicken behind you, only problem that might scare me too.

I'm just poking a little fun at our neighbors. Truth is I love the S.E.C., that includes all the teams in it. Hell if we can't win, we need someone else to. The S.E.C. has to fight for any respect it can get, always has. The only thing I hate about the S.E.C., Steve Spurrier, so I know we got that in common. I'll be proud to be in Alabama and working on the campus of such an illustrious institution. I am glad we're not playing them this year.

I'll make a prediction here, the Tide will pull out their season and meet Spurrier and his big chickens in the championship. The outcome will be much different than last weeks. In that case I say roll Tide, but please have a flat tire when you play the Dawgs.