Gamegators

For some it might be hard to talk about Gamecocks, after they beat us, hey they just barely beat us and besides I’m just the guy to do it.
First off, are they big chickens or little gators? I knew they were working on something weird when I lived up there, now Dr. Spurrierstein is on staff and he was the missing piece of the puzzle. A chicken with a gator tail, what will Mickey D’s do with that, the Mc nugbutt perhaps?
Old Lou reminded me of Super Chicken, holy cow, now that I think about it he looked like him too. Bok, bok, bok, becock, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s super chicken. Stevie, he’s got to be Foghorn Leghorn,
“I say boy, I say, this is football boy, pick up that big brown egg and run that-a-way and keep that tail out of trouble.”
I looked up Gamecock on the internet; wiki says they’re known for their looks and plumage not their fighting abilities. So, rooster male chicken, hen female chicken, gamecock drag queen chicken, I kind of knew that already. Wait, that’s it, they’re gators in drag.
“I say boy, how many times do I have to tell you, the black stuff goes under your eyes, not on your lips.”
“Sorry coach, can you say something to that guy in the red shirt, I broke a nail on that last play?”
“Just take this big egg and give it to somebody, please?”
“Glad to coach, it’s all sweaty and nasty, ewwwwe”
Huddle breaks, “Hey wait just a minute, who laid this egg, which one of you is really a hen?
Who actually sat down at the table and suggested the chicken as a college mascot? Who actually said, that sounds like a good idea? Look out, there’s a big chicken behind you, it don’t really instill fear in me. As a child we would just reach down, grab one and wring its neck. Not too much fight to em at all. Throw a little scratch feed out on the field and they’ll look like they’re doing something. Cut their heads off and they’ll graduate with honors. I heard the players go to school on the buddy system, each is assigned a nerd, specially recruited for this purpose, if he don’t pass, they don’t play, it works and ensures that at least forty people graduate each year. I think Lou came up with that plan, it was about football, but ended up increasing graduates by 20%.
Maybe one day South Carolina will have its day, but in my lifetime it’s just been a coach career killer. I hated to see it send Lou to the broadcast booth, but I’ll be kind of glad when it sends Steve to a hot dog cart in Florida. After Saturday’s game it’s soothing to know his eventual destination. Take the best coaches in football and bring them to Columbia, to disrupt the S.E.C., It’s what they do, I heard Ross Perot was eyeing the job for the next election cycle.