A Hopped up Chainsaw

What the hell happened to the growling, muscle flexing cars of the past? I guess they had to go, given the fact we’re about to use up all the remaining dinosaur crap, on the planet. I remember pumping gas at our family’s station as a child. One after the other they paraded past our pumps, not purring like kittens, but roaring like lions. Nothing compares to the shake of an antenna caused by a cam the size of a radio tower. If you understand that statement, you’re as old as I am.
I remember when gas cost almost nothing, now it cost more than the average mortgage payment, by the time the month is over. Remember when water cost less that gas? Remember when the average guy could repair them? Now it takes a college degree to be a shade tree mechanic. Running moonshine will never occur again as gas costs more than the shine; it kind of takes the profit out of it. Put Goober or Gomer on a 2010 Honda and see what kind of mess you get into.
I guess it tells my age, but I’m not that damn fond of the way music had gone. I’m less fond of what happened to the automobile. Now you have all these kids running around in little cars that sound like Bumble Bees. I don’t care how much you spend on tires, wheels and stereos, they still look and sound like sewing machines on steroids. Used to be the stereos were the most expensive part of a young person’s car, now I think it’s those damn annoying mufflers. I used to laugh when I heard one of them coming, was the buzz from the muffler or the thump from the stereo the most annoying thing about them? I laughed the first time I saw one stuck on a speed bump. I don’t laugh anymore; those annoying occupants will one day be running our country. You think people complain about the Presidents car now, wait until he’s riding in a tittie pink, Hyundai.
I remember when the definition of dork meant a kid who couldn’t afford a bad ass car to fix up and put mags on a station wagon or four door. I remember when a girl wouldn’t be caught dead in a truck. I remember racing when the car you were driving grabbed the other car and wrestled it to the ground, now they play chess, while wearing bow ties, as they cover the quarter mile. Bob Dylan said, “The times they are a changing.” He really is a prophet.
I love to go to car shows, but they give me the blues, sometimes. One thing is for certain, in my lifetime I don’t expect to see any Hondas, Toyotas, Nissans or those little low rider trucks, participating in or winning trophies at them. I’ll take the rolling thunder of an old Mopar, over the buzz of a damn hopped up chainsaw, anytime!