Some might find what I’m about to say, alarming, but many will understand. When I was a child we owned many businesses, one, a gas station closed when I was thirteen. Included in the left over stock, from that closure, were five cases of assorted cigarettes. Be clear here, five cases not cartons. I’d imagine they amounted to 150 cartons, 1500 packs or 30,000 cigarettes. We moved to Savannah Ga. where they were placed on a shelf in our garage and forgotten, by all but me.
I met the right or wrong person around that time and developed my interest in smoking. I opened my first pack the beginning of that summer and started smoking his brand. Once those were gone I went on to similar brands, then to the menthols and then the ones without filters, the eventual outcome, I smoked them all.
I was under emotional stress, all the time, so I think that had some affect on how I smoked then and how I continued to smoke, all my life. I’ve always been a compulsive smoker, smoking at least two packs a day from the start. I could smoke a whole pack during a football game; I remember the first time I appeared on Television I had to be there at 5:30 AM and smoked a whole pack of cigarettes before arriving at the station, I was sick as a dog. The way I smoked ensured those five cases didn’t make it past the summer. They were gone and I was a full time smoker by fourteen.
There has never been a day in the last thirty-eight years that I haven’t smoked; in fact I fully expected the first day I’d not smoke, to be the day after I died.
“Tobacco offers us a life of slavery, a host of chronic, debilitating illnesses and ultimately death. And think about it: We pay big bucks for those "benefits." Sad, but true.” About.com
Three thousand new, young, smokers start in America each day, over eighty thousand worldwide. Ten million cigarettes are sold worldwide every minute, the article, The dangers we face from tobacco use, by Terry Martin, goes on to say. Further, it’s a shock to see that over 5 trillion cigs are produced and sold every year. So while I’m not alone, I’d much rather die as part of some other demographic, maybe killed with an exclusive group of people feeding the poor somewhere. Maybe die saving a child from a fire or accident. Either way you have to tell God a story, but look at the vast difference in the story you have to tell him.
I start waking up at around three AM every morning and the first thing I want is a smoke. I go back to sleep, but for at least an hour I dream of that first cigarette. This, my first full week without one, that part has been worse. I dream of the smoke, then wake up to get depressed. I fall back asleep several times, repeating the process over and over again before getting up. It’s enough to make you start smoking. While eating I barely chew my food, I’m trying to get to the part where I light up the smoke, then it hits me, I’ll never light up another and I feel a little tinge of depression, this happens repeatedly throughout every meal. Every smoker who finds out you’re trying to quit will offer one, free of charge even though they might not have, just a month earlier, misery loves company is an old saying rooted in truth.
Nothing replaces cigarettes and a non-smoker cannot understand that. I love my wife and she has been my glue, but she will never understand the torture involved with quitting. There are many products designed to help kick the habit, they are little help. Several drugs are available, in my life I’ve found that any drug or drink increases the desire to smoke; these drugs just make you sick when you do. Gum, electric cigs, staples, hypnosis and patches, all help, but no matter what, you just can’t smoke them. I repeat nothing is a cigarette. No drug, no food and dare I say it, not even sex can quench the deep seated desire for just one more cigarette.
Find something that helps, find someone who helps, understand that you’ll never be allowed that one more smoke you desire, and start today. If you fail try again, it’ll be worth it when you try to explain how you died. As to all the non-smokers out there, understand that during the last week I could have eaten a pack of cigarettes, but no matter what, I can’t roll up a chicken, a lobster, a big fat piece of chocolate cake or a kiss and smoke it.
No comments:
Post a Comment